I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
