if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize