Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need water and some morals
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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