dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize