He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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