I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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