im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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