He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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