I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize