bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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