I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this is an emotional support booty call
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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