She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
