Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
