he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
