Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
