you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize