peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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