he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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