I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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