Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
