i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so let's talk penis.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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