Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
