Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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