So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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