fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
