Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
