I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
