chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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