I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
