I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
