If that was your dad, he is hot
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
