if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize