One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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