I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
