I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
