non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
