I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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