and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
