So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
