Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
