just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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