you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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