you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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