OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
