i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
