i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do vagina's smell?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
