Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
