I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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