sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas