The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.