You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is wine microwaveable?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
